Holy crap

Holy crap! Sooooooo long since I've posted here. Not that you'd care, or he'd care or she'd care or they'd care or even that I care, but I've been busy NOT fitting a 2x4 up the ass of a certain self centered, immature and disrespecful (her words) person that she know's very well... No, not that kind of "know's"! Anyway, I'll try to visit more often. Till then, remember, Buck oFama!

Thinking about me

So I go from being a "college educated guy working semi-professionally", making good money with a job that some might say was "nice" or respectful in some way or another to a run-of-the-mill, bottom line job that pays half what I made. How? ...Karma.

Nuff said.

So I thought about it some. The job now is boring, it's fairly repetitive with just enough interaction with complete idiots to make it interesting for a moment a few times a day. Did I mention the pay sucks?

I've come to realize I'm not the sharpest tool in the box, and I've always known I'm never the best looking guy in the room. I have had a minimal upbringing by lost and uninterested parents, giving me and my two siblings very little by way of a foundation of inner security and social abilities. Perhaps my comming to realize this over the past number of years is what keeps me from being as open, likeable or sociable as I'd like. I'm far happier sitting with my sweetie watching movies or alone in my "man cave" than I ever was or ever will be at a social gathering of any kind. Someone might see how insecure, how empty and maybe even "stupid" I really am.

They say "be confident, you'll raise your 'stock' just by doing that". Ok, but if I ACT confident, yet know the hidden truth, isn't that being artificial? Isn't that simply acting and not being myself? How can I be confident and honest at the same time?

My five adult (20, 20 (twins), 21, 21 (bio and adopted) and 27 y.o.) kids seem to avoid time with dad now. Sometimes I write it off as it's just boring for a kid to spend time with dad and other times I think maybe I'm not "all that and a bag of chips" to even them. ...Well, unless they need cash and help moving or something.

So, I'll go on working and suffering from ADD it seems and not getting much done on my time off and let another day, then another month and a few more years go by. What else can I do? I call the kids now and again and nobody has time, they are working, they are whatever. I know, I know, "every parent says that" except for my wife who's adult kids pay attention to her. Is it because she's mom, or is it because she gave them more in terms of "being there" than I gave to my kids? I'll have to ponder that. There's more to that story I suppose than I'll write here today, and after rethinking it I suppose I can't expect anything other than the way it is with the kids... More on that some other time.

So, anyway, guess I just wanted to yap someone about how I feel, about what I see in myself that makes me wonder how I made it this far and as well as I did.

Anybody else out there with the same realizations about themselves as I noted about myself as written here? You?

Work, then and now.

Stepping outside after 8 hrs in there I noticed the sun shinning and it felt good. The breeze took a bit of my hair and moved it across my forehead. I felt unusually light in my step as I realized I was leaving work behind without it following me home. Nothing about it was going home with me, not the worry of being on call nor the thought of wondering if the just finnished shift was my last, and nobody told me I'm not welcome at their after work gatherings.

When I left work that day I had nothing in my hands except a plastic bag with a tupperware bowl and lid, no bag of study materials or recently passed out orders to be followed. No on-call pager or phone, no need to wonder if I'd be stuck on nights for a month or a year or more and no being pulled away from home at 2:00 am to listen to an old lady bitch about the medical equipment she's renting, or to fix it by... plugging it back into the outlet.

As I stepped out into the sunshine I realized right then and there what it feels like to be able to leave work and leave work behind. That very day I was complimented (twice) on the good work I was doing. Talk about a change! I'll not ever take this job for granted. It will be a pleasure to not waste any time and to work as best I can to help ensure the long term viability of this company. I've not really given a hoot during the past 8 or nine years as it was obvious to me that my eight year employer, until September of last year, and lets call this "job 1", could give a rats ass about what was doable or not. The control-freak that managed the department the last two or three years did not want to hear how we as the employees (doing the day to day work that made the place exist at all) felt about anything regarding the work.

The people I worked with from November till mid March, at "job 2", were a click to beat all clicks and did not welcome "newbies" by any stretch of the imagination. I recieved direct and not so subtle indications that new people are not appreciated. The management there was preoccupied with being a neo-militarilistic, controlling type with the belief, apparently, that saying "good work" or "thank you" is a sign of weakness. Not one employee I spoke with nor any of the conversations I overheard indicated anything other than the idea of being complimented was forbidden and being written up was the order of the month... No kidding. Did I mention the "bad-ass" guy(s) that didn't sit down while working at thier stations who apparently thought playing kick-ass video games somehow made them kick-ass, cop wanna-be types? Again, no kidding.

So, a few weeks ago, before I left the para-militant employment camp (job 2) I interviewed and was hired for the work I'm doing now. I went back to work at job 2 the next Monday and and looked around there in the frown-factory and noted all the overweight, overworked, tums chewing, constantly bitching and overly stressed coworkers. Yup, not only was I barely able to keep up on the new-hire training curve, but I didn't think I needed to be so stressed out. So, I left the place behind me. I put all the company owned property in my locker and never went back.

I won't even discuss here (much!) the eight years at job 1 that were pretty good but slowly morphed into a control-freak play ground and ended on a bad note. I did not appreciate the job and i admit it. However, I know that the employee's well being is of little interest there anymore now that the over-compensator is at the helm. He seemed to be a tightly wound, insecure and therefore over-compensating type who's insecurity unknowingly makes him control freak. The sales mngr/department supervisor, when he wasn't on his knees in front of referral sources, was trying to kiss their ass in any and all situations and therefore came off as a spineless "manager wanna-be" due to his method of fixing problems by simply blaming the people in our department, no matter the issue or the source of any issue. The guys working in the department now are for the most part looking for other jobs. I discovered this while speaking with two of them recently. It is not the place it used to be! And now that "Oba-Mao" got his "health care" (uh-huh) bill passed there is no doubt that the job 1 business is going to be stretched to the financial limit and one wonders if they might even survive the next ten years... Glad I'm no longer there for that reason and so many others!

So, I'm happy at work now. I don't make quite as much money but the quality of my work is way up as is my contentment. My wife supports me in this and we are still very happy together and that is something I KNOW Mr. Overcompensator can only dream of in his own home! I think I'll leave how I know that to be true unwritten here...

I just put the bike away (2009 Heritage Classic) after a great afternoon ride and poured a cold Fat Tire. I don't mind, now, that weekends are only two days.

An admission

I have a confession to make, maybe an admission. It's something I've carried around inside for a long, long time. I feel now is a good time to say it.

So, here it goes... I am a closet liberal. There I said it. I've only pretended to appreciate our founding fathers and thier handy work via the U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights, etc, that created a wonderfully prosperous and generous country in less than 250 years. Sure, our unique freedoms and liberty to earn and keep a vast majority of our labors, along with our property rights combined the the resulting initiative and work ethic has made us a very prosperous contry indeed. Our military is there to protect our freedom and the liberty of our allies as well. We give more in world aid than the next five countries combined. All this due to our very successful capitalistic way. So what.

So what indeed. I have to admit I want to have our government grow and take more and more away from business owners so that they are unable to hire more people, resulting in a prolonged recession. I wanted the "health care" (government growth and wealth redistribution) bill to pass. I want then our taxes and fees to go up so as to be less free and closer to slavery. Another Cuba is what I'd like us to be, complete with a psuedo dictator. ...And my wishes are coming true! All hail Oba-Mao! May he find a way via the left wingy media to keep fooling enough frigg'n idiots to be voted back in, and may he also find a way to skirt around the two-term limits and become the very brown-shirted leader he and his handlers know he can be!

Ha! April Fools day! May Obama and his minions puke blood until they pass out.

On "Earth Hour"

Today, at 8:30 p.m. (regardless of time zone, it's "your 8:30 p.m. wherever you are") we are all to turn off our lights and conserve as some sort of tribute or statement about the man made portion of global warming, saving our planet, etc.

I have always, always turned off the lights when leaving a room. I've tried all those years to get the kids to do the same. I've combined errands into one as much as possible to reduce gasoline use. In the summer we leave the thermostat higher and in the winter we leave it lower. I weatherstrip, insulate. It only makes sense to conserve and it saves money as well, by having to pay for less energy use. I even put in mercury laiden florescent "curly Algore approved" bulbs in many of our lamps and lights.

Sure, I don't mind conserving, it's not only good for the planet but saves on the bills as well.

So, I heard Rush and Glenn Beck both talking about "Earth Hour". I looked it up online.

At first I thought it wasn't a bad idea but I wondered what people do the other 8759 hrs of the year? Also, I've felt over the past year or three that there was a bit of a hoax going on in regard to the man made portion of global warming. Then... Yup, I heard of a number of emails that were leaked all but admitting the hoax, of which is there to make several people rich and control a portion of the population in one regard or another.

Here, read this, then come back: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504383_162-5761180-504383.html

Ok, read one more and then come back: http://www.stoptheaclu.com/2009/11/20/leaked-emails-confirm-global-warming-is-a-deliberate-hoax/

Ha, so the global temp has been cooling for the past 15 yrs, but who's REALLY keeping track? Geez.

Soooo, JOIN ME! Celebrate Earth Hour by turning on every single light in your house, I am! I'll turn on both televisions, all outside lights and the oven as well for that hour which starts in, lets see, in one half hour from now! I'm opening the curtains to show off the lighting! It's going to be a celebration! ...Just called my bud John, he's also gunna light up a celebration at his place and flip the bird to the climate nazi's!

Algore is kinda like Michael Moore, lying and truth-twisting for monetary gain. They should be ashamed and deserve to have even more lights shined at thier unethical behavior.